Friday, 27 December 2013

There is no time like the present.

Two months, what is the significance of two months.
To me these past two months have been the most bittersweet in my entire life. By the end of October we knew Dad would be pursuing as many rounds of chemotherapy his body would allow, and of course due to the state of his body and how advanced his cancer was we had our concerns. The rounds of chemotherapy were supposed to aid in relieving some of the symptoms of the cancer he had and prolong his life, very little of either occurred. I don't blame the chemotherapy for him being taken sooner, I do believe after the first round he had visible signs that he was feeling better, however after half of the second he went downhill rather quickly. In the back of my mind I knew I'd be losing him before Christmas, I had no physical proof, nor could the oncologist confirm this when asked, but deep down I had the sinking feeling, that crappy intuition that chokes the life out of your happy thoughts and prayers. One thing was for sure, I didn't want to see my father suffer for long, and he really didn't, the sickness could have continued for 6-12 months before he passed. The truth is, he wasn't himself for a long time, he stopped playing guitar, listening to his music, reading as much, visiting friends and family, he was sick, and he wasn't letting on. I love my Dad, I cherished every day and moment I spent with him from the day I was born, we were very close, there were really hard times,  but there were also really great times which outweigh the hard times. I've honestly learnt the most about myself through my Dad, he really challenged my thinking and decisions. He was the most warm person at times, and someone who really just wanted to be loved. I honestly think in 2007 when Nana died (his mother), Corey passed away and Pa was diagnosed with lung cancer (passed away early 2009) he began losing hope. He had Darlene, a very caring and loving companion for him, but he lost a lot of everything else he lived for... He passed away last Thursday at 8:45, I held his hand the whole time, told him it was OK, it was a very haunting experience, but for him, likely a blessing, he was at peace.
In the midst of all this I had the utmost support from my best friends and family. I could not have asked for anything more, and I promise one day to return the favour. I had my CGA convocation mid-November which Jacq flew in from Edmonton for, it was such a great day to share with some of my family. Another weekend in November I visited the Scandinave Spa with Amanda, she came from NS to visit. I also met the sweetest, supportive and talented guy who has added a lot of light to the days past, and I very much hope to come. All of these people in my life have reminded me of how important it is to take time for yourself, no matter what is happening, you have to live in the moment, day-by-day, and I'm much better off for doing so. Thank-you.
I am excited to see what the future holds, I know the celebration of life party will be great when we have it, there is no immediate rush because the weather has been awful (pretty, but awful). I am hoping a summer's night will suffice.

Over the past week I've snapped some shots of the ice storm, some from Vaughan, ON and the others in Annapolis Valley, NS. I flew home yesterday (Boxing Day) for a short visit. I won't get to see my Halifax friends, but I will another time. Enjoy.

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